Driving Under The Influence

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last month or so, you are probably quite concerned about what is happening in our world today. We have voted in a President who everyone is expecting walks on water and we continue to ask this man to be our political Messiah. Unfortunately, he is not. Not for lack of trying, though.

Therefore, I think we need a little humor in our lives right now and it should be at the expense of government, right? Okay, so I was reading the news today and came across some pretty funny stuff with regard to traffic laws around the country. I thought I would share them with you because my medical adventures are on hold at the moment and I need to stay in touch with everyone.

As a quick update, I am fine. The last scope showed no tumors and I am very happy. My Doc noticed some constrictions when he was sending the scope up “Mr. Not So Happy” and wants to find out what’s going on and has ordered a number of tests which, believe me, I will share with you when they happen. I am convinced the wife is now looking to upgrade the family’s soccer transport to a Porsche Cayenne but since I like my Doc, I shall refrain from disparaging remarks. Plus, I’ve seen a picture of the wife and, trust me; she’d look great in that Porsche.

Anyway, before my mind wanders off to Polish Hairstylists (as another vision pops in to my ADD addled brain. Thanks Lisa), let’s talk about Road Rules for Dummies.

In Denver, it’s illegal to drive a black car on Sunday. And to go one step further into the world of LSD, Minneapolis outlawed red cars on Lake Street.

Here are more unusual laws so that the next time an officer asks you, “Do you know why I pulled you over? You can actually look them in the eye and say, “Possibly”

Rural New Jersey requires drivers to honk the horn when passing another vehicle going in the same direction outside a business or residential district. However, watch it in Little Rock, Ark., where the law says “no person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9 p.m.” Honking at sandwich shops is OK in University City, Mo. – so long as you honk in your own car. It’s illegal to honk someone else’s horn.

Topeka, Kansas has made it “unlawful for any person to suffer or permit any livestock owned or controlled by such person to run at large, or to drive any herd of cattle, horses, mules or hogs, or any flock of sheep, upon any street in the city.”

In Mount Vernon, Iowa, you’re not allowed to shoot arrows or throw bricks onto any street or highway without the City Council’s written consent.

In San Francisco, it’s illegal to wipe a vehicle with used underwear and to pile horse manure more than six feet high on any street corner. Thank God!

In Oregon and New Jersey, you cannot pump your own gas. Supposedly this practice keeps gasoline prices lower in those states, because insurance costs for gas stations go down if attendants instead of customers pump the gas – but, on the other hand, that attendant must be paid, whereas you pump for free. So the jury’s out on the reasons for this one.

In Palm Springs, California, it is forbidden to walk a camel down the main street, Palm Canyon Drive, between 4 and 6 p.m.

Hunting from moving vehicles is illegal in several states, including Connecticut and Tennessee, where only whale hunting by that method is allowed.

Thou shalt not sow a vegetable garden in any public street in Chico, Calif. The law, however, does not forbid flower gardens.

This is very important to remember: No matter how sleepy you get, you are not allowed to snooze in the middle of any street in Eureka, Calif. You are also not permitted to park yourself on a bench or chair in the middle of its road in Reno, Nevada.

And finally:

Yield to peacocks in Arcadia, Calif.
Don’t jump into a passing vehicle in Glendale, Calif.
Don’t change clothes in your car at the beach in Destin, Fla.
Don’t drive through playgrounds in Dublin, Ga.
It is illegal to ride a horse at night without taillights in Texarkana, Texas,