Honey, Where Did You Put My Stethiscope?

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is well. I have heard back from a number of you and I thank you all for your concern. Please, and may I repeat myself, please, do not worry about me. I am fine. This disease is a pain in the ass but luckily, it is manageable so far. I do want to share some of my medical experiences with you all because I believe that we need to stay informed about physicians and their sneaky ways. Here area couple of things you need to watch out for.

# 1.
It is amazing how you can insert objects into certain parts of the body that you never thought it would fit. Well, I am here to say that, if need be, you could probably shove a watermelon up your ass if you needed to. Although, I see no reason to do that since there is no medicinal value to this function. It might help in the feeding process like boas that eat cows and don’t eat for a month. Unfortunately, humans have to go to work and therefore can’t lie around for a week to digest their food. I know my mind is wandering; I will stop now.

#2.
I never knew that the body had as many entrance holes that it does. I realized that the nose is good, the mouth, the ears, and the butt. But when my Doc first informed me that, no, I would not be asleep for my scopes and, yes, I am going to push this half inch in circumference rubber tube up your penis and you will be awake all the time, I almost fainted.

#3.
Doctors lie. I don’t know about any of you but when someone says that you may feel some discomfort, I anticipate the feeling of a 300 pound person sitting on your chest for 3 seconds or getting a cramp in your hand or the feeling in your ears when you land in a plane. Pretend that the scope is a cork screw and your penis is a bottle of wine. Okay, get the idea? What do you think, discomfort or pain? Think of that the next time you uncork a bottle. You may want to buy a screw top.

#4.
When Doctors ask, “Am I hurting you?” sit up, tell them that they may feel some discomfort and then knock them out.



That’s it for today except for this:

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill.

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick." the doctor said.