Honey, I Can't Find The Hose?

Hello everyone. I’m back in the land of the living.

So, how did everything go, you ask? As far as I can tell, it went well. We are still waiting for some of the Pathology to come back but, even if there is anything new, it will be in its infancy stage and we can deal with it quickly.

Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about catheters and especially my favorite, the Foley.

If you remember, I spoke last week about the many orifices that the human body has. Well, it is the catheter that fits into one of those orifices. Whoever invented this item for the medical community needs to have different sized melons and grapes inserted into his posterior. And I know it’s a “he” since no woman is that cruel.

I have had the pleasure, over the past two years, to be cathed (a nice little word that really means excruciating torture) approximately 20 times. There is no way to explain the feeling of having an object snaked through your urethra, push past you prostate and enter your bladder. Now I know how the pipe feels after Roto-Rooter pays a visit.

Now I want you to imagine that after going through all of this, the discomfort of the “voyage” through your urethra and the arrival at the destination (your bladder), your physician decides, after surgery, that for the next few days, “…we are going to leave this thing in you to make sure everything is working right.” And to be sure it stays where it is supposed to, they pump up a little balloon (The Foley, named after its inventor) that will keep it bobbing happily inside your bladder. So, basically, there were two sick bastards that found each other and invented this tool.

Once that is all done, the tube that is now hanging out of your penis is attached to a plastic bag that is strapped to your leg. As the bag fills up, it gets heavier and heavier, which in turn, tugs on the hose which pulls on the Foley, which…you get the message.

Needless to say, it is not a pretty site, especially on a fat, white guy like me. If you disconnected the hose from the bag, you could swear that someone had developed a new pull toy.

Anyway, I am back and kicking. In a few more days, I will be stronger…need to get some rest.

Take care everyone